when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
