i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
