My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
