I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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