Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
