I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
