i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
