I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
