it wasn't lemon gatorade
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
