Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
