the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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