My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize