i just google imaged poop.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
