Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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