I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she peed on how many people?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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