I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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