dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
