he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
there is glitter all over my balls
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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