Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
