She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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