so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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