There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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