You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The air was thick with penises
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
