just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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