): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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