and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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