youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
