Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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