sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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