Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
