It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
