how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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