in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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