May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
where does the pee come out of this thing
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
