I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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