why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
