I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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