you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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