Whod you bang
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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