I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
