Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize