I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
