we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
