he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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