Your tits are I can't wait for
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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