My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
