38 yer olds are good kisserssss
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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