So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize