Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
