Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
