why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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