thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
