ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sorry about my life...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
