A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
