I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
