he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize