I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize