the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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