New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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