I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
