Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
