Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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