Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize