Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
