It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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