I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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