a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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