if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
