I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
