4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can't turn off my feet"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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