don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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