Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
