just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
