listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish they made helmets for livers.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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