I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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