Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
