Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
