I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
