I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
