i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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