2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
