You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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