Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
3pm strippers are depressing
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
