Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
