i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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