tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
