He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
