so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
