Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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