Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
