areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
