How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
