two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
