no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
