remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Randomize
