i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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