he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
