There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
