I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
