It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
