The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
