No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
