shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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