So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize