bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
