Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize