Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
