I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
