the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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